Sunday, March 27, 2011


(Get caught up on this next chapter.)


I sure did look forward to work. Mostly because of what happened after work. While at work, we flirted secretly, grabbing each other’s various body parts, and even making out in the supply closet for a few moments. But we had to be discreet. I was walking around with a permanent hard on, cleaning up tables. My apron hid it, and I held my bus tray low low low.

We got out late, she after cleaning up the bar and closing out her cash register, and me after doing up the last of the dishes. Working there meant that I could sleep in late instead of having to get up hours before school in order to clean up bodily fluids and parts from the shitty biker bar. Instead, we’d clean up each other’s bodily fluids.

I’d come home late with surplus food and be the hero, all freshly showered to boot.

The steam from the Hobart helped keep me free of zits from the grease while at work. But I was showering off at Essy's place before we began our nightly ritual.

After that, I'd drive home wearing The Juices of Essy. That would be a cool name for a punk rock band.

We'd shower together, then she’d start me off with some of that oral tradition, and then she'd lead me into her bedroom.

The first time this happened I was amazed. I could last for a really long time after she did that initial performance. The couch acted as a release charge previous to the bedroom.

She’d gargle on me, then gargle with mouthwash, brush her teeth, and join me in her room, in her bed. Condoms galore.

Something interesting I learned as a young man way back then was this: Women have g-spots, and they are in different locations in each vagina. You just have to find them. They’re pretty cool, you know.

Hers was up deep, to my left, towards the top. I think that I was the right length and girth for her, because she would begin to tremble her legs and moan in a giggly way. That was unnerving the first time it happened. She told me that no one had ever “hit her” that way before. She wanted me to do that again and again. It was her favorite. It became my favorite too.

It was a shame when that came to an end. That was my fault. Dumbass.


Joey came up to me in the hallway between classes and he looked fraught. “Weeee-ill. Nolei is jetting off in a coupla days.” It was remarkable; I’d never seen this guy sad before.

“She really hit you, huh?”

Joey’s left eyebrow raised. “Hah? Uh, yeah, she got to me. Shit.”

I patted him on the back and sighed. “Well, I hope you showed her a good time here in the states.”

He frowned up at me. “She thinks she’s pregnant.”


I finally saw Katheena, and she was with Ivan of course, but that wouldn’t be for long. You know, it wouldn’t last long anyway, even if he was her next door neighbor for the next twenty years.

“Hey Katheena, haven’t seen you for a while, everything cool with you?”

She nodded, but looked a bit glum, for obvious reasons. Ivan was going back to Germany on the same craft as Nolei and the rest of the exchanged students. “I think we’re just thinking about Lorelei.”

Ivan spoke up. “Yah. Zat iss ze shitzen. I vant to tank you vor your untershtanting.”

I did not understand what the fuck he was saying. So I just shook his outstretched hand. It was like shaking hands with a hockey glove. “No worries.”

He smiled big and then picked me up in a bear hug and swung me around, then put me gently back down, placed a licorice treat in my mouth, and sung “Edelweiss” to me in dulcet tones while he patted my head.

Yeah, right.

Katheena said, “Did you know that he dated Lorelei?”

I just smiled blankly and said nothing. Yeah, he dumped her for you just after he first saw you. Fucker.

But it was all water over the aircraft, no worries.


Gilbert had barely any memory of that fateful night of the fall of Tellesco’s house. He was blitzed, he went looking for Bryan, and he ended up all fucked up.
But he was Joey’s best friend now, even if Joey didn’t want it. Joey had saved his ass, as you may recall. Even Felissa had a soft spot for Joey. Fuckers.

Because I was Joey’s bud, Gilbert would hand me notes now and then to give to Joey. Here’s what one of them read:

“Dood. Anything U need, U just say da word. Buds 4 ever.”


“U seem sad 2day. Anything Ur bud Gilly can do 2 help U out?”

And even:

“U look sharp 2day. Tubular threads. Stay Awe Some. –Gilly”

Wow. Man crush.


According to Sean, Tellesco’s parents were in a state of mental paralysis. All of their treasures were gone. Now, rich folks have the best kinds of insurance, and all kinds of it.

But simple money cannot replace things which cannot be replaced. The effort to locate them in the first place, as difficult albeit enjoyable as that may be, leads to heartbreak when one does not get a chance to savor them before they are gone.

All they shit was gone, baby, gone.

Tommy Hewitt was the human sacrifice.


Essy took me aside that night at work. “Will. I have something to tell you.”

Oh no. I’d discovered that nothing good follows those words.

She said, “I have a boyfriend. And now he works here. So we have to be cool.”



How did I not know this?

What did this mean?




How Hoot gets to work. Suit and tie on board.

Big ass gun for avalanche, in Russia.

Cool landscape pics for Entropy Happens.

More here, for Spunky 1 for U.

Why we humans cannot walk in a straight line. It’s why we get off track and become lost.

Inception Humor, for Laz.

For Florida Bobcat, new photoshop tutorials, for free. Because it’s calling for ya. Like, how to make a superhero movie poster. Pretty cool.

For TIMT who likes the IE9 and the FF4 both, here’s some tweaks for FF4...

Blackjack card counting explained.

Cantilevered cliff home. Wow.

God Help You.

God Help Us All.

---willies out.

One more for ya, Wye Oak sings her song “Civilian.”

OK, last one. Reuters news feed.

Welcome to The NEW Daily Column!!