Friday, September 16, 2011
This is SOOOOOO wrong
If you think Bill Belichick bucks convention with his play-calling, meet Kevin Kelley, head football coach of Pulaski Academy in Little Rock, Ark. Actually, perhaps you’ve met him already. Kelley has become a cult figure among both football coaches and the sports analytics community for his disregard — contempt even — for traditional football wisdom. Kelley doesn’t believe in punting. His Bruins teams go for it on fourth down, even in the most extreme situations. His playbook is filled with tricks and gimmicks. He often forbids his players to return punts, reckoning that the odds of a fumble outstrip the incremental yards that can be gained from a return. After his team scores, it almost always attempts an onside kick. There are 12 varieties in the playbook — including one in which the ball is placed flat on the ground — and Kelley figures that the chance of recovery outweighs the risk of allowing the opposition to start a drive near midfield. The funny thing about Kelley: He’s not a mad scientist or an iconoclast, zigging where everyone else is zagging, for the hell of it. Rather, he’s a relentlessly rational sort whose methods have backing in data. The decision not to punt? According to Kelley’s statistics, when a team punts from near its end zone, the opponent will take possession inside the 40-yard line and will then score a touchdown 77 percent of the time. If it recovers on downs inside the 10, it will score a touchdown 92 percent of the time. “So [forsaking] a punt, you give your offense a chance to stay on the field,” he said. “And if you miss, the odds of the other team scoring only increase 15 percent. It’s like someone said, ‘[Punting] is what you do on fourth down,’ and everyone did it without asking why.” Still, even for Pulaski fans who have come to expect the unexpected, Kelley outdid himself last Friday night. With Kelley calling plays, Pulaski scored on its first drive. Naturally, the Bruins then attempted an onside kick, which they recovered. Soon, they scored another touchdown. They repeated the drill — onside kick, recovery, touchdown — again. And then again. With 8:35 left in the 12-minute first quarter, Cabot trailed Pulaski 29-0 and had yet to run a play from scrimmage. As Pulaski prepared to attempt its fourth onside kick, Cabot called timeout. (“Not too often you see timeout called as the receiving team lines up for a first-quarter kickoff,” Kelley said.) Finally, Cabot recovered the kick and began its first offensive set of downs. Cue: more unconventional calls from Kelley. On defense, Pulaski put all 11 players in the box, leaving every receiver uncovered. The strategy worked, too, as the quarterback misfired under the pressure (and, surely, the unprecedented experience) of facing an 11-man rush.
This is the way life should be, folks. Like a game of Madden. Like you strapped on Game Genie as soon as you woke up or you hit up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start after you roll out of bed. Fuck the rule book, fuck the play book and fuck conventional wisdom. Be up 29-0 before your defense even takes the field and fuck the cheerleaders at halftime.
Until of course you have 50 crazed father’s showing up at your house with pitchforks and burning torches ready to murder your ass because you embarrassed the FUCK out of their sons by kicking 5 straight onsides kicks and running up the score on them. But until that happens, Kevin Kelley knows what the fuck is up.
BTW , This is sooooooo wrong you have to make fun of it .
Here we go ......
Mug shots o' the day: Eight Amish Guys Jailed For Refusing To Attach Orange Safety Triangles To Their Buggies
J.D. Salinger Toilet Offered For A Cool Million
Saucy Schnapps: Firm Wins Battle to Register Fuck as a Trademark (actually Ficken in Germany)
NASA spots Star Wars-like Tatooine planet orbiting two stars
Rugby star "groped a woman at a dwarf-throwing contest" . I understand perfectly. Take it from me, throwing dwarfs gets you hot
The Ten Worst Family Guy Sex Moments Of All Time , With video evidence, of course.
Dwarf Who Played Gordon Ramsay In Porn Eaten By Badgers ......Look, I'm not even going to try to pretend that I can write anything more interesting than that.
The Shittiest Books That Going Out Of Business Book Stores Can't Give Away
You know how sometimes you're walking along and you feel something wet hit you but there's no one around and not a cloud in the sky? Yeah...