Saturday, February 18, 2012

Saturday Smiles

*Warning. Flashing Images in the following video*

We here men at Richie Fowler’s Mighty TheDailyColumn work long and hard for you to have some enjoyment out of your busy day with our silky, thick columns.

Thank you for “coming” here each day, even if you happen to partake on the weekend.

We do our best for you, baby.

No other reason.

(Hey Richie, thanks for offering me the opportunity to contribute on your fine site.)

Let’s go.

So, you know about the most offensive joke ever that gets rewritten each time a comedian gets a chance to tell it.

The Aristocrats.

In telling it, there is the opportunity to describe the worst, most awful things a person can do, from a writer pitching his story to a producer, and it ends with, “It’s called The Aristocrats.”

Well, I’m gonna rewrite that here and now so that you can do it for the nightmare of your co-workers to hear, if you choose to do so.

It’s called, “The Best Coffee Ever.”

It goes like this:

“Hey, you know how (insert fellow worker name here) is kinda odd and all,

I mean, he (descriptions of very bad things)

---well, he makes the best coffee, ever,”

I would do it like this:

“You know how Steven Smithsockwell is kinda odd and all, I mean, he rapes sheep, got arrested for stealing the funds for his daughter’s cancer treatment, and after she died, he went on to spend the money on whores and gambling, but before he went out and did all that, he put his middle finger in the ass of the nurse who was bending over his dead kid’s body and pulled it back out and shoved it into her mouth and then asked her out on a date...

...Well, He Makes The Best Coffee Ever.”

Like that.

Try it out for shits and giggles at the water cooler on Monday.

Hey, don’t look at me that way.

I am the willies.

Come in the forums and tell us your own worst version of this joke.

Here are your links, my friend.


Bad videos by girls.

Not this, she’s cute.

More bad videos, like college ads.

More bad videos.

Basketball, old school style.

Be a dog, to a ghey song, in slo mo.


Tigger like you mean it.

Respond well, like John Cleese, Monty Style.


Earn big, baby.

Land well.

Remember your roots.

Ah, well.

Here is your link to the weekend at willies story thing.

God Help You.

God Help Us All.

---willies out.

OK, One More For You.


Welcome to The NEW Daily Column!!