Friday, March 30, 2012

Controlled Sex ?

Scientists Say Birth Control Makes Relationships Last Longer, Ruins Sex

Scientists are advising that women take a break from the pill so they can make sure they’re still attracted to their partners. They say the hormones in the oral contraceptive affect the type of chap a woman is attracted to. So if she was on the Pill when they met, she might get a shock when she comes off it – and ought to have a trial run before she settles down. But other experts have urged women not to throw away their packets of the Pill, saying taking the risk of becoming pregnant is an extreme way to work out whether a man and woman are suited. To look at the effect of the Pill on women’s taste in men, Dr Craig Roberts of Stirling University questioned more than 2,500 mothers from around the world on how happy they were in their relationships. Some had met their partners while on the Pill. Most, but not all of those surveyed were still with the fathers of their children. Those who had been on the Pill reported less sexual satisfaction than the other women.

Blahbbity blah blah blah. Hey scientists why don’t you give your condom propaganda a rest, huh? Let me list the things that ruin sex:

1. Having kids: You wanna ruin you sex life? Have a fucking kid. “Take a break” from the pill to see if you’re still sexually attracted to him and get knocked up. See how spicy your sex life is when there’s shit filled diapers and incessant screaming 24 hours a day while you try to keep a small human alive. That shit will make dicks shrivel and pussies dry up faster than you can say “fuck my life.”

2. Having an abortion: I’m just speculating here. Never had to go down this road personally. I can’t imagine that its exactly an aphrodisiac. Primarily because its a whole fuckin process. She misses her period and warns you she’s late. You spend days sweating bullets praying to the Trojan God’s shes not pregnant. She takes the test. Worst nightmare confirmed and then you two have the make the hardest decision in the history of the world. Are you fuckin kidding? I’d go gay before I ever rolled up inside some vagina again after an ordeal like that.

3. Condoms – I don’t know whats worse – when the condom gets all bunched up like an accordion and the tip of your dick is smooshed inside that stupid reservoir tip to the point that you probably couldn’t even ejaculate if you wanted to – OR – the smell. I mean the bunched up condom makes your dick feel like it might retreat up into your body. You might as well just put a plug in the tip of your dick and seal that hole up. And the smell. Yeesh. That smell. Sweat mixed with sex mixed with rubber friction. Brutal concoction. Smells like the inside of a hockey skate. Either one of those, or more importantly both combined, is enough to kill any sex life.

and then in some backwards, obscure way, at a distant number 4, I’ll throw you scientists a bone and say:

4. Birth control – Risk free sex that avoids numbers 1, 2 and 3 leads to much more frequent, consistent sex. Much more frequent and consistent sex leads to long term relationships where people get fat and lazy and stop caring, thus creating a lame sex life. So its really just “time” or “being fat and ugly” that ruins your sex life. Not birth control.

Here we go .....

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