Monday, July 2, 2012

Started Out Writing An Article On Fart Pads But This Fart-Reducing Sleeping Bag Trumps Everything

So besides making fun of Euro Cup fans and Katie Holmes finally achieving her freedom, this has been a pretty slow news week. So you can understand my excitement when I see this article on Fart Pads, little pads you put in or out of your underwear to make farts not smell. Fart jokes are always an easy topic, right?

Well fast forward to 10 minutes later, and I’m full-on down the Flat-D product rabbit hole when I discover this:

Look at this man’s face! We’ve all seen the other fart-stopping blanket, but it wasn’t nearly as disturbing as some dude sleeping solo draw-stringing his lower half in an anti-fart bag. So many questions:

Why does he care about his fart smell when he’s sleeping alone?
Why, instead of simply dealing with the smell, would he choose trapping himself inside of a smell-proof fart bag as the better solution?
Seriously, why does he care about his fart smell when he’s sleeping alone?

There’s about a 50% chance this eliminates his fart smells but at least a 70% chance he gets burned alive in a house fire because he couldn’t escape his fart-reducing charcoal sack in time. But I’m sure it was worth it, brah. No more bothering your invisible wife and children with your smelly ass. Maybe next you can hook your lonely ass up to some anti-snoring machines as to not disturb them further.

Here we go .....

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