Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Chick Buys Winning Lottery Ticket For $360 Million Jackpot 1 Hour Too Late


What if you had all six winning Powerball numbers, but couldn’t claim the jackpot? It happened to one Pasadena woman. Margit Arrobio purchased five Powerball tickets at a local Shell gas station Wednesday evening for a chance to win that night’s jackpot, which at the time was $360 million. The next morning, Arrobio tuned into ABC’s Good Morning America for the winning numbers and found out that her card matched all six numbers, but the television show reported that no winning ticket had been sold. So what was the problem? Arrobio bought her ticket a little too late. “I called my gas station where I bought the ticket and I said, ‘I don’t get it. I have every number and yet they say there’s no winner,’” Arrobio said. The person at the gas station asked her what time she made the purchase, and that’s when Arrobio realized she’d bought the ticket around 8 p.m., about an hour after the numbers had already been announced. Arrobio said she was first shocked and then disappointed. The Powerball jackpot climbed up to $590.5 million on Saturday. The single winning ticket was sold at a supermarket in Florida.

The only solution in situations like this is to immediately kill yourself. There’s absolutely no consolation after thinking you’ve won $360 million and finding out you won absolutely nothing. Whether you’re the one person left out of the winning office pool or you lose your winning ticket or the numbers you always play come up as winners on a night you missed, whatever. No matter what the circumstances are, when you think you’ve just one hundreds of millions of dollars only to come to the realization that you didn’t win dick and you have to continue living your shitty life, you gotta just off yourself.

Not before killing the dickhead at the gas station who sold you that bogus ticket first though. The fuck is that guy’s problem? Is that his idea of some funny prank? Print up a winner that you know isn’t eligible? Or is he just an idiot selling tickets to old jackpots whenever he wants? Either way that guy needs to be murdered. Instead this chick is just sitting around smiling for the camera flashing her winning-but-not-winning lottery tickets like its some funny story. I tip my cap to you, lady. We’d be staring down the barrel of a murder/suicide or at the very least a dangerous, dangerous bender if it was me in your shoes.

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