Monday, July 22, 2013

Your 2013 Brooklyn's Smallest Penis Winner Is...This Fucking Guy

Upset city! Not Asian!

Gothamist – On Saturday, a Bushwick bar held a contest to crown the “smallest penis in Brooklyn.” The winner, Nick Gilronan, actually resides in Queens, but that didn’t stop him from walking away with the title and $200 cash. In this exclusive interview, he opens up about his junk and blasts the media for making less-endowed men seem inadequate. Single ladies take note: Gilronan is single, and has $200 burning a hole in his pocket for date night.

How old are you? Just turned 27 three weeks ago.

Are you in a relationship? I’m currently Single.

So how did you find out about the competition? I saw an ad on Craigslist with the headline being ‘Looking For Less Endowed Men.’ A headline like that catches the eye, so I clicked on the link.

Were you nervous about entering? Not at all. Besides my day job I’ve been doing modeling and acting for the past 7 years. Acting is done in front of a group of people so I was comfortable there. And sometimes my modeling jobs are nude for art classes, so wearing some skimpy clothing wasn’t a problem either.

Half of the guys wore masks, but stood out and from the get-go were a crowd favorite—what can you say about that? I’m very confident in my body, so no need to wear a mask. As for being a crowd favorite from the start, that totally caught me by surprise. When I contacted Aimee and Bobbie from Kings County Bar and confirmed my attendance, I immediately began to plan my set. I looked at the contest as a fun and entertaining event and intended to put on a good show for the audience. Looks like my efforts were successful.

Do you think that small dicks have a bad rep? Yes. That’s the media’s fault, I think. For both men and women, they push out images of people who just aren’t regular normal people. The size of a man’s penis does not matter for who he is as a person or in a relationship. Same thing with breast size. We’re all made in different shapes and sizes, but the media puts pressure on people to look a certain way. Most people do not look that way. Some people let that false sense of body image upset them and they shouldn’t be upset at all. Even worse, some people use those false standards and judge other people. It’s disconcerting.

Did you get approached by any women after the contest? I was approached by quite a few, actually. Most wanted photos with me, which I was more than happy to oblige. Shortly after winning the contest one of the girls who worked the event came up on stage to kiss me. I thought it would be just a quick kiss on each cheek but no, that turned into a brief make out session. It’s good to be the winner.

Goodness gracious thats a small cock. I mean I’m no Jon Hamm and I certainly don’t have any right to be talking shit in that department, but Christ almighty dude where is your fucking dick? You lose that thing in an accident or something? There are chicks with clits bigger than that dick. I think technically you gotta be disqualified for that lack-of-cock. And spare me the dog and pony show about being an actor and a nude model and shit. You are the quintessential UPS man. You’re fat and you’d look perfect in those brown shorts. You’re not an actor and nobody wants to draw you and your pecker naked.

The worst guy in a smallest penis contest is the first runner up. This interview right here proves that theory. Nick was the belle of the tiny cock ball last nite. Making out with chicks. Going out on dates afterwards. Gets to play the whole “self confidence” card. Meanwhile 2nd place was probably some Asian guy just sitting in the corner of the bar all by himself afterward. Micro cock sitting between his legs with not one girl showing him any attention. No trophy in hand. No 200 dollar prize. Wouldn’t be surprised if I see another headline later today “Runner up in small penis contest found dead in apparent suicide.”

PS – You just happened to be trolling Twitter for “Less endowed men?” Really guy?
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